A Voice from the Womb

A Voice from the Womb.

By Dexter Valles

Birthdays are a great confluence of emotions. Its an emotional memory of when one emerged from within the calm womb to the surging energy of the world outside. It is the most profound disturbance presented to anyone ever.

The moment of birth is also the moment of death. Birth to what is the greatest trauma called Life. Death of tranquility and peace. Birth pulls the plug of Life support.

So birthdays come and go. Life transits from teething troubles through to traumas to transformation. And the cycle oft repeats.

Reminiscing on the passage of life at a birthday can be a fascinating experience. In the very churn of subconscious emotional memories that underpin birth, lie insights into the consciousness that drive life.

Amazingly these insights present themselves with shocking clarity. But just for a while. Whilst the emotional seas part down the middle to allow a brief passage of stark clarity and revelation.

Almost eerily like a voice from the womb. The original home of the Soul. And then it is gone. When the tide of life sweeps over like a tsunami.

If you can listen carefully you will hear your soul speak.

I have reason to believe that I have heard that voice from the womb. My soul has spoken. And now I can see.

Metaphor Me, Metaphor Meaning !

I see a lot of catchy metaphorical motivational quotes and I'm often impressed by their messages. Here's my issue with them. For every positive metaphorical quote there is a very real negative quote too.

Like every sunset is followed by a sunrise. But the fear is - how long and how dark will be the night. Yes, the sun will rise, but will I be there to see it ? Or - get out of your comfort zone - so should I stay poor or ignorant and uncomfortable ?

I feel, if you want to say something useful, use your life experiences and quote from that. There is more reality in what we experience that metaphorical phrases which are often so trite , they are not worth the space they occupy.

So if I was to say, wait for the sun to rise and it shall, maybe I should say , find a way to deal with what you are going through, with support from friends, family, people we look up to, ask for advice, feedback, opinions, options, which will create discomfort within you, because it may challenge your current level of skill, knowledge or competence , or emotional balance for fear of losing even more in the process.

The so called sun rising is what happens when you work through these challenges actively engaging with the strengths , contacts, experience, wisdom of others to create the sunlight of more options than you thought you had. The courage too, to keep going through the darkness of your night, when you listen to the deep truths of how others have seen things through.

The discomfort that follows is to be expected since you will now need to develop new competences to deal with new options. But like exercising the body, your mind develops and fires new neural pathways, reframing the future.

As you go forward you will without doubt discover much more about yourself and what you can do. The sunrise is not seen by waiting for the night to pass. It's about you traveling through the night of your fears, incompetences, insecurities, loneliness, hopelessness, helplessness, emotional inadequacies,  to where the sun is shining already.

The sunrise is what you discover about what more you can do, who can help you, what goals are real , what spaces need to be filled, and what is it that you need to see in yourself and how to accept and love who you are while you get there

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Leaking Truths Tell Tales !

Our everyday behaviour leaks the truth !! What we display in the smaller moments of truth reveal who we really are.

People soon sense it and respond accordingly. So if you are unhappy with how significant people in your life are responding to you, check the truths you are leaking everyday. 

Its easy to sidestep ownership of our behaviour by assigning reason to recycled past lives. Or what others do or did to us. It does not excuse one for not taking charge in the here and now. 

Every truth we live, every relationship we create, every action we indulge in, is an act of our will in the present. We are not prisoners of our past unless we agree to be so. Neither are we fettered by our future. Our power lies in who we are willing to be today. 

Because today is what we have. It is ours to shape. Nothing else matters.

Communicating the Relationship

Communicating the Relationship

by Dexter Valles

Communication is often referred to as a two way street. Listening is more critical than speaking. Body language and tone of voice speak many times more than the words we use. Listening with the heart and the head helps deliver empathy. A key ingredient.

All pointing towards paying genuine and sincere attention to the other. Communicating value.

Creating in the process, the right relationship based on mutual respect for people and their opinions, points of view, what they value and believe in, their realities and their interpretations of the world we live in. Consequently, both speaker and listener are equal partners in getting the best results from the communication.

Acknowledging each other gracefully is the essential first step to the relationship being created.

Easier said than done.

In today's instant world, it seems that everyone is in a rush to be acknowledged on a largely one way street. The novelty of communicating in many wondrous ways thanks to technology has served to mesmerise people with themselves. Almost narcissistic in a way, in the age of selfies, its more important to express and impress at the same time, repeatedly, incessantly, without much concern about the response.

Take a look at whatsapp, facebook, twitter, instagram and the like. Once posted, feedback is not really welcome and if received must always fit into the author's point of view. Narrow though it may be. Its not even important anymore to know or even acknowledge what the other has said or posted or tweeted or whatever. Responses are rarely towards the end goal of the original communicator. Its a window to present ourselves using the opportunity as a pole vaulter does. To vault across the topic without touching it.

Unlike what we know as useful, to read, listen, understand and then respond, people seem to be firing on all cylinders in the race to populate the space with whats important to them, often presented as whats important or should be important to the world. No longer to examine, understand and fit fragments of realities together. No longer to constructively discuss or debate. No longer to rearrange how we think and act with the welcome influence of how others think about the very same thing.

The pendulum has swung and stuck. Personal realities are frozen in a frenetically speeding time of a metamorphic world !! A hardwired circuit to a hair trigger relationship detonator.

Little wonder why relationships have become more competitive than collaborative. More sharply focussed on self than dispersed to include others. More Me than We.

So where does that leave friendships, family, team work, communities and organisations ?

You tell me.

I'll Call You Back

I'll Call You Back

by Dexter Valles

You must already be on a rapid thought train, no sooner did you read this title !

Ive used it often enough, but also paused to ask when it would be ok to do so.

I have I must admit, on the rare occasion forgotten to do so.

I wonder what your experiences are with this ? You and others who have said this to you.

Did you call back or get called back quickly enough ? Was it genuine ? Did you feel brushed off ? Was it a power play ? What could you have responded in the surprise of that moment; rather than "Uh Okay" ?

I have had this used to me right at the start and also down the middle of a call. Funnily enough some callers have said this no sooner than they called me !

A variety of experiences accompany this response. More often than not, I've not been called back, leaving me to wonder if I should have spent the time waiting for that call back. Not only that, but some folks have not called back for days thereafter. Maybe it would have been better to say "I've got to go now. Cant say when I can call back. Do excuse me"

Or just ask "When would it be okay to call you back ?" Or "How else can we connect later?" Or anything that could urge you to resume that relationship moment.

Yes, these and other such, are relationship moments. Which invisibly define the relationship.

Because how you come around to "calling back"  or not calling back, lets others know something about you, which helps them decide their time with you. In small invisible unconscious steps.

So when you next say "I'll call you back" what are you really saying ? And if its being said to you....what can you ask to know where you stand ?

I'll call you back. If you know what I mean.