Tuesday, December 31, 2019

The Street Clothes of RESPECT









The Street Clothes of Respect
by Dexter Valles, Managing Consultant VALMAR INTERNATIONAL Mumbai-INDIA










Respect . A commonplace word with a value that packs a powerful punch !
I am sure you have used this word many times in your life. It is also probably a value you have been advised to embody or one that you advise others to act with.


What is Respect and what's the fuss about it ?
"Respect, also called esteem, is a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem or regard." Source : Wikipedia
Respect is probably the most understood value in action ! Aha ! In action ?
I would like to go somewhat beyond what Respect most often shows up as, in behaviour. What would Respect look like on the streets of everyday life ? How would we recognize it ? What clothes does Respect wear ? Can we wear them too ? Well, here is what it could be.

The Street Clothes of Respect


Reciprocity and Responsiveness
Reciprocity and responsiveness needs to be graciously active and alive in a relationship. It is the very fabric of the street clothes or respect.
Turn this inwards into yourself as Regard. How much do we  regard ourselves ?  Do we really matter to ourselves? This is the aura or perfume we wear of Self Respect. Every element of Respect which follows must first be applied to ourselves.


Empathic Engagement
Empathy is about caring enough to be available to let people know you acknowledge and value them, especially when they feel most vulnerable and emotionally frail. Empathy does one significant thing. It does away with judgement and replaces it with curiosity and  unconditional care.

 In the midst of the storm of sheer stress of competitiveness, volatility of the playing field, crashing economies, collapsing success strategies, complex and carefully formulated algorithms gone haywire. Empathy is the Mind-Spa to soak and calm fevered judgement, anger, guilt, shame and blame.
Empathetic engagement is what brings the soul to the surface. The resilience and coherence of the mind and heart. To courageously build choices patiently with optimism. Accompanied by the warmth of compassion. It's always recognized in the vibrant yet deep colours of your street clothes of Respect.


Supportive Space
When was the last time you sensed this ? How did it feel ? To have someone just hold that space for you to gather your thoughts and emotions and find your sense of purpose and direction.
Without judgement. Without advice. With empathy. With patience. With consideration for both stated and unstated personal and emotional boundaries. With caring acknowledgement of both strengths and also vulnerabilities. With willingness to be with you especially when you can not possibly contribute back.
Supportive Space are the hands that hold your heart. It is the comforting innerwear that clothes you in the most unpretentious and invisible way. 


Promises Practiced
Stephen Covey wrote about Emotional Bank Accounting being the accumulation of small positive deposits made in each relationship. Keeping small promises is one of these small yet significant deposits.
Promises practiced is about putting everyday promises into practice. Little things. Like calling back. Coming on time. Showing up for the other. Being available. Offering help and acting on it. Taking ownership of shared responsibilities. Owning up for lapses and making up for them.
Promises practiced are those comfortable shoes that help you walk your talk. Take you the extra mile. Put a spring in your step and add strength to your stride.


Expectations Managed
What do you really want in a relationship ? What would make you feel that the other person cares ?
Investing in a relationship, emotionally and intentionally, creates greater awareness of the touchstones of each relationship, the patterns producing pain which need to be broken and reformed, the options available or choices which can be created.
Shared expectations management are the adjustable hats or caps we wear, share and gift to each other too.
It fits best when our expectations are acted on with reciprocity and responsiveness, engage the hearts of people in understanding them with empathy and supports the space in which expectations are struggling for visible form and articulate expression. 
The sweat band of these hats tell stories of the everyday sweet sweat equity we put into our relationships as often as we can. It says " You matter to me. And I shall always strive to give you, what you want from me. To be who you need me to be. Will you do the same for me ?"


Communicating Authentically
Underpinning all aspects of every relationship is Trust. Not just the performance of the elements of Trust. But importantly, communicating trust.
By communicating honestly. By communicating our intentions. By communicating our vulnerabilities and fears. By communicating our expectations. By dropping those needless masks we wear, out of our need to project strength, prowess, capability and competence. Communicating Trust is achieved via Communicating our Authenticity.
Communicating Authentically is the hallmark of transparency. Transparency unashamedly declares our vulnerabilities. We are all too human more often than we wish to be. And it's no sin to declare our utter human-ness. We are okay being "extra-ordinary". The infinite power of naked ordinary-ness lies in its acceptance.




Time ( making & giving )


All of us make the time for what really matters to us. Yet we catch ourselves saying we don’t have time to spare for others. Even those who seem to matter to our lives. 
The hard truth is that none of any of the street clothes of respect can be worn, unless we first wear the watch  of time on our wrist. But then, the irony is that we must give it away every hour every day. Yes. To ourselves too. A man with no time for himself cannot give any away !
Our lives are time shared. We don’t live fully when we live in the narrow speed lane of our own share of this time.
Making and giving time to create, grow and nurture relationships is like parenting. If you don't invest the time and energy into it, the child will grow anyway. And we shall pay a bitter and painful price for what it grows into.
Make the time willingly, with grace, clothe it everyday on the streets of life with respect and more time shall be made and given back. Especially when our time has finally come.




Summing up, the street clothes of respect when worn well clothes not just the wearer but also miraculously everyone the wearer embraces and enfolds into a growing, graceful and gracious life.



Notes from the author :
1.      This article was triggered by a conversation with a friend, over a powerful  speech by Oprah Winfrey at the Harvard Commencement 2013  . You can see it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMWFieBGR7c   
2.      Emotional Bank Accounting  is a  concept mentioned in  the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by  Stephen Covey . See more about it here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoEy_zA3ZEk and  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrUTlHW1_lw   












Friday, March 15, 2019

12 Friendship Reflections


12 Friendship Reflections





If you have to "manage" your friendship, it's probably not a friendship.

No matter what the pressures of life, true friends find time for each other.

Great friendships are like sparkling streams of joy and release, refreshing the parched earth of our lives.

When people say great friendships need not worked at, they are making excuses for their failure to do so.

Flowers do bloom in a well cared garden. As also in the wild. But even the wild is cared for by Mother Nature. Whats your relationships like ? Is Mother Nature overworked ?

Friends who come and go like the tides of the sea, must be watched for what they leave behind when they go

Dont stay perpetually ready to smile and support someone who refuses to see the strain and struggle behind your smile.

When a friend loves you, it is almost always unconditionally. Make sure it can gladly stay that way.

Dont deny old friendships and old acts of love just because you dont need them today. Thats like a tree shaking off the gold and auburn leaves before autumn

When a friend is lonely and in pain, do you know ?

How many friends did you call today ?

What do you expect from a good friend ? Do you do that too ?

And a Bonus Quote
The best way we celebrate a friendship is when we celebrate the friend.

Monday, October 29, 2018

EMOTIONS Our Constant Companions.


EMOTIONS Our Constant Companions

by Dexter Valles
Everyone I know has feelings. Feelings about almost everything. I dont know of anyone who does not have any feelings about something. Even if they say they don't ! Because that statement itself discloses a feeling !

So where do feelings come from ?
How long do they last ?
Why do feelings change ? 
Do we act on our feelings or can we suppress our feelings ?

Is it good to feel strongly about things ?
Is it more important to be emotional or rational ?

There is now a lot of research undertaken in the area of the brain and the mind. A field called neuroscience, which helps explain our behaviour. Psychometric and neurometric assessment tools and assessments developed in the fields of Emotional Intelligence or EQ, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Mindfullness, Whole Brain Thinking to name a few, have provided very useful insight into how our brain seems consciously and subconsciously  to influence our lives.

Research in neuroscience suggests and points to evidence that our Emotional Brain ( the limbic system of the mid brain ) triggers fastest , much ahead of the Cortical Brain ( the intelligent rational / thinking brain ) and if this is not integrated into the decision making process, we are more likely to act emotionally rather that with emotional intelligence.


Our brain is an amazing complex network of one hundred billion neurons, that regulate enormous traffic of information every second. Whew !! How awesome is that !!

A vital part of the brain's information-processing neural network includes, naturally, neurons, or cells that transmit signals containing messages throughout the brain. This complex network of neurons send these signals through  neurotransmitters, which really are chemicals which some neurons release and others receive. Chemicals in the brain !! Who would imagine that !!

These chemicals essentially let the different parts of our brain communicate with each other by jumping across synaptic connections from one neuron to another. And it is at super speed. These emotional chemicals are so fast to spread that they even beat the speed of thought !!

The four most widely studied brain chemicals are dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and norepinephrine.

Dopamine is related to experiences of pleasure and the reward-learning process. In other words, when you do something good, you're rewarded with dopamine and gain a pleasurable, happy feeling. This teaches your brain to want to do it again and again.
So watch out !! The learning curve is laced with dopamine !!

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It regulates our social interactions and yes indeed, it is essential to sexual reproduction, playing a multifaceted role in regulating behaviors from mother-child bonding, empathy, generosity, trust, and the Big O in bed. When we hug or kiss oxytocin levels increase; hence, understandably oxytocin is often called "the love hormone."
Serotonin is associated with our memory and learning. An imbalance in serotonin levels is most likely to result in an increase in anger, anxiety, depression and even panic. So the next time you press the panic button, your serotonin probably needs a refill.


Norepinephrine helps moderate your mood by controlling stress and anxiety. It acts to regulate the effects of Cortisol, the Stress chemical of the brain

So our feelings which are body based sensations of our emotions, produced by these chemicals in the brain, are the first  to register and often linger for a long time. Becoming moods. Though if these feelings are acknowledged, entertained, observed for the messages they carry, the rational brain can process these feelings to decide on the most suitable course of action. Not that it works all the time this way, nor is it always as effective as we would like. But it does give us a chance to coach our behaviour into a better place !

So yes, we feel first, in between and last. We are always feeling. Though through odd advice and practice over the years, we have coached our mind to ignore our feelings. Or suppress them. This does not mean that our feelings do not exist. It actually means we allow our feelings to undermine the power of our decision making process, because we do not acknowledge them and ignore the emotional messages they carry. Thus allowing our emotions to invisibly influence us.

Amazing isn't it ? Like having a guest or even several guests at home and pretending he isn't or they aren't there. Yet allowing unfettered free access to the most private areas of our lives. What a terrifying thought !! 

So how do we strike a balance between our emotions and our thoughts ?
Because we are more conscious of our thoughts we use them to consciously influence our behaviour. Therefore it's really important that our thoughts are constructed with clarified emotions. Emotions which have been routed through our cortical brain to be processed with  reasoned pathways to action.
It's quite clear that our lives shall always be abuzz with our feelings because without them we really won't know what it means to be "alive" !! We can choose to ignore their presence only to find them too close for comfort. So what do you do with your constant companions. Your emotions. Your energy in motion.Your informants to how your inner world is responding to your outer world. Well, reward them for their loyalty !!

Acknowledge, appreciate, be attentive, encourage their voice, and be curious about their gifts !!
Unwrap them carefully. Most are marked Fragile !!


Sunday, October 21, 2018

The Attitude of Gratitude


The Attitude of Gratitude

By Dexter Valles
How do you say thanks ?

Or do you say it at all ?

Do you need to say thanks or show it ?

Well, how do you show you are thankful ?

Is reciprocity an act of gratitude?

Do you need to be asked or reminded ? Does it then count as much ?

What are you usually grateful for ? The act itself or the result ?

Who are you usually grateful to?Those who help you ? Or those who need your help ?

How do you count your blessings ?

Do you hold back gratitude because you can't bear to acknowledge it ? Does acknowledging the need to show gratitude make you feel obliged or obligated ?

Who do you feel do not need your gratitude ? What does that tell you ?

Do you like talking about gratitude but cant be grateful yourself ?

If gratitude was a defining power in your life......answer this.

Whats your attitude of gratitude ?


Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Living Powerfully in the New Age


Living Powerfully in the New Age

by Dexter Valles

We now live in radically different times than ever before.

Technology has transformed life as we have never known it to be. Barring the human being looking the same, there is nothing today that  looks like anything yesterday.

Every single aspect of life has changed. Much of it for the better. Yes it comes with its hazzards. Yes nostalgia is always an escape from the hazzards.

But lets face it. We cant really go back to where we came from without losing the tremendous advantages, ease of living, speed of living, upskilling of everyday human capability, massive explosion of knowledge.

Mind boggling leaps into creation supported by an incredible expansion of the mind to drive fearless participation in an ecosystem underpinned by volatility, uncertainty, chaos and ambiguity !!

Our challenge would be to adapt as quickly as we can to manage and master the monster of life before it devours us. Do we drag our feet objecting to the difficulty it poses, dig in our heels and resist the metamorphic demands of our times or do we learn to be nimble and agile ? And master this monster of life ?

Lets ask ourselves a few questions. Our answers will inform us how we are likely to negotiate and navigate the future. Which is already on our front porch. About to ring our bell !

What would happen ??

If we don't cope or manage technology at the everyday application - gadgets and devices to begin with.
If we don't vigourously seek and embrace alternate sources of energy to light our homes right through to drive our cars, fly our planes, explore space, clean up the choked environment our dying planet.
If we don't want progress because we cant finance the cost and find the price we pay overwhelming ?
If we don't quickly learn to make space to pause and clear the debris of the construction of our new world before we construct shining towers of life with rubble of the past choking every corridor. What would then become of the human being and human relationships which deliver our dreams
If in the speed of living we race to dying
If we insist on processes and habits of the past to manage the deliverables of future.
If we agree to growing older but not growing into the world being built.

What would happen if YOU dont care to answer these questions?


An Ode to Friendship !

An Ode to Friendship !


Friendship is Love's poor cousin,

Waiting in humble service,

By Love's ornate door;

Whilst in her boudoir Love clasps,

Passion, Strength and Courage

Close to her scented breast !
Court Love and ye shall have these too;

Seek just the bejewel'd hand of Friendship

And ye shall forever banish Love to weep,

In the empty nest of a faraway memory,

Of a forgotten time.....
For perchance you may find Friendship lends its charms,

To a lifetime and more, of true Love,

Whilst Loves' bright flame, burns not as fierce with Friendships' wick,

Then choose to rest thy worn spirit
In the comforting cradle of love's care,

And gently place thy weary head,

On the blessed bosom of true love.
For Love must steer Friendship, To the Shore of Trust,

Through mists of Doubt and Delirium,

Where treacherous reefs of shallow conscience,

Bare the jagged edges of careless promises,


That e'er so oft, rip the seams of Love's fragile dreams.......

Friday, October 12, 2018

An Ode to a Coach

An Ode to a Coach
by Dexter Valles 


Life is a journey and oft a rough ride

We need good counsel and a guide on the side

Someone who will help us achieve our goals

Through the tumult of times to play such a role.


Of mentor and coach, a teacher who's tough

Especially when the pathway is rocky and rough

To lift us high to our lofty dreams

Knowing we can fly once we burst the seams.
Of the chains that shackle us down to the ground

And keep us from reaching our dreams that abound

The exhiliarating playing field of life

Where lions are born from the hearts of mice.
Where the world snatches hope from the meek and the mild

But a coach shapes a conqueror from the mould of a child.

A sounding board, a firm force in the field,

A trusted friend who helps us reveal


The armour we wear, the sword and the shield !

LEADERSHIP : An Inspiring Way of Life


LEADERSHIP : An Inspiring Way of Life

By Dexter Valles
Are you a Leader ?
I wonder what your answer is, to this seemingly simple question. I hope ofcourse that you answered in the affirmative. However if you didn't, maybe you should reconsider what you need to do to be a leader.

Quite often many consider leadership to be a designation in an organisational hierarchy. It is certainly so. And much more than that. It goes beyond designation. Because designation defines a role and details what you need to do. While to be a Leader, you need to BE a Leader ! The landscape is much larger. A manager manages tasks and can also lead. A leader always leads. At times, from behind. That's because Leadership is an inspiring and influential way of life. Leadership is about leading, inspiring, influencing and launching people to the Vision and Purpose of the organisation or community.

Lets look at what comprise the characteristics of Leadership.

I like to call them the 6 Cs of Leadership :

Competence :

To be counted on for your knowledge and expertise in the area you lead. Its not necessarily technical skill but certainly a high level of mastery of and immersion with the subject or market or industry.
A competent leader says " Ive got this "

Courage :

Stand up for your values and beliefs. Stand up for your people Have courage of your convictions. Draw the line and stand firmly yet not obstinately. Have the courage to admit your mistakes and to apologise.
A courageous leader says " You have me in your corner"

Compassion:

It is good to be tough and strong willed. Good to be determined and powerful. In all that, remember to be just and kind. Learn to lift people up not beat them down. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Practice living with abundance and gratitude.
A compassionate leader says " I understand you"

Conscience:

It's your lighthouse which must always illuminate the way in the darkest of nights. Your sense of right and wrong, just and unjust, fair and unfair, context and content. Your inner voice always rings your truths. Learn to listen. 
A conscientious leader says " You can count on me to do whats right"

Coherence:

Let your heart, mind and soul operate with clarity and coherence with what you do. Because that is who you are. No matter how or when or where you are observed or experienced, the stories told of you, must fall in place to form the picture of the world you strive to create.
A coherent leader says " All of me is fully and completely here and clear on how I can lead you with clarity to our shared vision"

Consistency:

One of the hallmarks of leadership is the consistency with which you demonstrate your leadership. The regularity and reliability of your performance, your engagement with the business, the people, the message you endorse, the vision you describe. People look for leaders they can count on to walk their talk, every time they experience them.
A consistent leader says " You will always find me here"

The 7th C ( Bonus ) is Coachability.

A leader must be willing to continually learn. A learning leader builds a learning organization or a community of learners. A leader must be open to feedback, to reflect on them and reach for support from others. To be coachable is to be aware of ones own shortcomings, the gaps between promise and performance in the pursuit of fulfiling purpose, to be humble to seek and engage support and guidance,  yet determined to own the journey.
A coachable leader says " I too must learn with you to rise up. Push out my limiting boundaries. To be more competent, courageous, compassionate, conscientious, coherent and consistent"

So what does a leader need to DO in order to BE a leader worth following ?

Here is what I believe every Leader needs to embrace as an agenda. An agenda of everyday engagement. In order to embody the ability to influence and inspire people. As a way of living the truths they proclaim.

Listen & Learn : The truth is in common sight outside. Pay close attention to what the returning message is saying. Is it close to the message you sent out ? What came back ?

Engage Emotions ( Hearts not just Hands)

People must feel valued and appreciated. Either that or they feel neglected. Hardly anyone can claim effectiveness and agility in performance when the heart is heavy. Neutrality is a myth. Emotions influence if not direct our actions. Emotions when engaged positively radiate into the environment connecting others to the vision.

Activate & Accelerate : Be the spark and the flame. Let knowledge and skill combine to create new standards of performance. Create competence and capacity. Build a groundswell of good practices and processes which will lift people to the performances they desire to deliver.

Develop (others) & Delegate:

Holding on to power or position does not define true leadership. Real leaders give away powers, making others powerful too. Leaders don't create followers. Leaders create more leaders. The King maker versus the King.
There is enough powerful positive available in the world to lift every single human being to their potential. Delegating wisely, and not dumping, help people develop and grow into their power. A powerful organization is a community of powerful positively engaged people performing to their potential.

Enlarge the Ecosystem :
As a leader we influence the ecosystem we operate in. We can either size it down and make it small, narrow, compartmentalized and confined so its easily manageable. Or we can choose to increase the challenge by opening the canvass to full spread. Reorient roles to break down the barriers of mindsets,  of parochial performances, of filtered vision, glass ceilings and partitions. Encourage the spirit of entrepreneurship. Lead people to the ocean, not wade in streams.

Redirect & Reshape :
Create a pulsating organisation. Be constantly aware of the journey and willing to redraw the map, redirect energies and reshape outcomes to serve the common vision of a dynamic metamorphic organisation in step with a constantly evolving living planet.

So in current conclusion, in the context of creating leaders worth following, it needs leadership character to be forged in the cauldron of an everyday way of life. It would demand that every leader must Learn while Leading, Engage Emotions of the people, Act Decisively with the 6Cs , Develop People's Potential not just performance,

Evolve Personally by pushing limiting boundaries and embrace Risk by learning to play outside the boundaries of Fear.

A Leader must leave forward a Legacy. One that inspires others. To continuously strive to create a worthy world.
What is the legacy you are creating
?

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

I Really Don't Have the Time !



I Really Don't Have the Time !

To be your friend, to do the right thing, to do my share of work, to do things I dont like especially for people I don't like, to keep fit, to study, to visit ailing relatives,  or anything I don't want to do....

Sigh !

Should we say what's true or blame it all on time, till people get the message ?

It's commonly known and admitted, we make time for things we like, people we like, want to do and decide to do despite the discomfort.

Our brain has a way of lobbying decisions. The emotional brain would tend to choose comfort, the cortical brain would usually choose whats logical and rational, the integrated brain would balance emotion with logic and find a way to do whats right. Because it also works with a moral compass.

But we do have ways of disconnecting our integrated brain, bypassing it with a flood of emotions which hardwire emotional preferences into our decision making. We then use creative ways to justify and support the decision, ironically, through emotionally funded logic and rationale !

And so, I really don't have the time, becomes an auto response and the matter dismissed thereafter. We shut down people because we dare not care. Its difficult to tell the truth. Its difficult to draw lines. Its difficult to negotiate. Its difficult to be authentic. Its difficult to practise integrity. Its difficult to make others' needs our priority.

Yet we want just the opposite from other people.

What must we do to have the time ? To make time available ? And yet not be hijacked by other peoples agendas.

So do you really not have the time ? Or is it something else ? How are you working that out ?


Monday, October 1, 2018

Relating with Emotional Purpose.


Relating with Emotional Purpose

by Dexter Valles

Visible or invisible, conscious or sub conscious, acceptable or unacceptable, every relationship has a purpose.
When that is gone, so is the relationship.

Emotion is the equal partner of the purpose. Although quite often, emotion being more experienced in the mind and body, may actually obscure sighting the purpose itself. Interestingly, when the emotion runs dry, so does the relationship. If you are engaged more with the emotion than the purpose which produces or accompanies the emotion, well, it may just leave you stranded and adrift, when it runs out.

So Love, for example, and not Lust which is often confused with Love,  one of the biggest human emotions, is not the purpose of the relationship. But as an emotion, it's quite overwhelming.  Love is often called the seventh wave in a sea of emotions that floats the ship of purpose. Which could be the vision of life together, children, building a great future together, partnership, and so on. Love is the emotion that wraps the vision around the relationship. And holds it together.

So why would the emotional glue run dry ? And strangely, it quite often does, doesn't it ? Sometimes emotional glue is replaced with emotional dynamite !! That is enough to clue us into the insight that the original emotion has transferred out of the relationship, perhaps because either the vision has played out its course and the purpose fulfilled. Or, the vision has shifted or redirected elsewhere or even crumbled along the way. And the binding emotion has metamorphed into something else.

Like Love turning lukewarm, because of an anticipated shared future together with children, morphing into a future of two independent lives held together just by children or joint financial engagements or physical assets and investments; the relationship spiraling down to a necessary business partnership. Or terrible incompatibility with each others habits, wants, needs or desires at close range can erode the vision crafting the very purpose of the relationship, with the core emotions then shifting to ones less binding. Maybe even more loosening to allow for breaking or unraveling of the relationship.

Have you experienced this in your lives ? Has a relationship that enthralled and bound you now become less enchanting or even broken ? Or has it improved ? Did a mild emotion with loose ties turn into a burning flame ? Did you find purpose shifting from casual to imperative ? Or did a need that originally drove your purpose get fulfilled elsewhere ?

Whats the more powerful experience for you ? And what does it tell you about how you have engaged with your life's purpose or purposes with the people you've enrolled ?


  • We usually look for 5Rs in the performance of a relationship: Role, Relevance, Resonance & Reciprocity, Rigour and Results. We can call the fulfilment of these, evolved purpose.

Is there still enough evolved purpose to keep you in relationships which have served you well ?  Have you discovered or uncovered mistaken purpose along the way ? Did you not work with sufficient zeal and purpose towards your vision of the relationship?

Are you on the road to make, mend, amend or break ?

It hardly matters anymore in the present, what the past threw up. Although our egos are often in constant battle of what should have been. Who we are or not is then defined by our ego. So out of the window flies the original emotional purpose. And in comes Ego with explosive emotional baggage. The ghost of the past to haunt our future.

Being in the moment, is the most powerful way to exorcise the ghost of past perfidities. Let the past guide but not dictate the present. Look for past patterns that presently play out invisibly in crucial areas of your life .
Its probably good practise to pause and check for evidence of emotional purpose in your relationships. If you find that evidence and the emotional partnership, you could consciously stroke the responsiveness of that relationship. 

If you are struggling to find the evidence, maybe there is a tsunami of hidden emotions building in that sea !! Better get your relationships and partnerships to higher ground !! From there you can retrieve purpose or even redefine it.
Make up your mind and your heart about the energy you need to invest in the emotional purpose that drives each relationship. Release energies you have imprisoned in fatigued relationships to bring fresh perspective to fuel the true emotional purpose of your life.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

A Voice from the Womb


A Voice from the Womb.

By Dexter Valles
Birthdays are a great confluence of emotions. Its an emotional memory of when one emerged from within the calm womb to the surging energy of the world outside. It is the most profound disturbance presented to anyone ever.

The moment of birth is also the moment of death. Birth to what is the greatest trauma called Life. Death of tranquility and peace. Birth pulls the plug of Life support.
So birthdays come and go. Life transits from teething troubles through to traumas to transformation. And the cycle oft repeats.
Reminiscing on the passage of life at a birthday can be a fascinating experience. In the very churn of subconscious emotional memories that underpin birth, lie insights into the consciousness that drive life.

Amazingly these insights present themselves with shocking clarity. But just for a while. Whilst the emotional seas part down the middle to allow a brief passage of stark clarity and revelation.
Almost eerily like a voice from the womb. The original home of the Soul. And then it is gone. When the tide of life sweeps over like a tsunami.
If you can listen carefully you will hear your soul speak.

I have reason to believe that I have heard that voice from the womb. My soul has spoken. And now I can see.


Sunday, September 23, 2018

Metaphor Me, Metaphor Meaning !


I see a lot of catchy metaphorical motivational quotes and I'm often impressed by their messages. Here's my issue with them. For every positive metaphorical quote there is a very real negative quote too.

Like every sunset is followed by a sunrise. But the fear is - how long and how dark will be the night. Yes, the sun will rise, but will I be there to see it ? Or - get out of your comfort zone - so should I stay poor or ignorant and uncomfortable ?

I feel, if you want to say something useful, use your life experiences and quote from that. There is more reality in what we experience that metaphorical phrases which are often so trite , they are not worth the space they occupy.

So if I was to say, wait for the sun to rise and it shall, maybe I should say , find a way to deal with what you are going through, with support from friends, family, people we look up to, ask for advice, feedback, opinions, options, which will create discomfort within you, because it may challenge your current level of skill, knowledge or competence , or emotional balance for fear of losing even more in the process.

The so called sun rising is what happens when you work through these challenges actively engaging with the strengths , contacts, experience, wisdom of others to create the sunlight of more options than you thought you had. The courage too, to keep going through the darkness of your night, when you listen to the deep truths of how others have seen things through.

The discomfort that follows is to be expected since you will now need to develop new competences to deal with new options. But like exercising the body, your mind develops and fires new neural pathways, reframing the future.

As you go forward you will without doubt discover much more about yourself and what you can do. The sunrise is not seen by waiting for the night to pass. It's about you traveling through the night of your fears, incompetences, insecurities, loneliness, hopelessness, helplessness, emotional inadequacies,  to where the sun is shining already.

The sunrise is what you discover about what more you can do, who can help you, what goals are real , what spaces need to be filled, and what is it that you need to see in yourself and how to accept and love who you are while you get there
.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Leaking Truths Tell Tales !

Our everyday behaviour leaks the truth !! What we display in the smaller moments of truth reveal who we really are.

People soon sense it and respond accordingly. So if you are unhappy with how significant people in your life are responding to you, check the truths you are leaking everyday. 

Its easy to sidestep ownership of our behaviour by assigning reason to recycled past lives. Or what others do or did to us. It does not excuse one for not taking charge in the here and now. 

Every truth we live, every relationship we create, every action we indulge in, is an act of our will in the present. We are not prisoners of our past unless we agree to be so. Neither are we fettered by our future. Our power lies in who we are willing to be today. 

Because today is what we have. It is ours to shape. Nothing else matters.

Communicating the Relationship


Communicating the Relationship

by Dexter Valles
Communication is often referred to as a two way street. Listening is more critical than speaking. Body language and tone of voice speak many times more than the words we use. Listening with the heart and the head helps deliver empathy. A key ingredient.
All pointing towards paying genuine and sincere attention to the other. Communicating value.
Creating in the process, the right relationship based on mutual respect for people and their opinions, points of view, what they value and believe in, their realities and their interpretations of the world we live in. Consequently, both speaker and listener are equal partners in getting the best results from the communication.
Acknowledging each other gracefully is the essential first step to the relationship being created.

Easier said than done.
In today's instant world, it seems that everyone is in a rush to be acknowledged on a largely one way street. The novelty of communicating in many wondrous ways thanks to technology has served to mesmerise people with themselves. Almost narcissistic in a way, in the age of selfies, its more important to express and impress at the same time, repeatedly, incessantly, without much concern about the response.
Take a look at whatsapp, facebook, twitter, instagram and the like. Once posted, feedback is not really welcome and if received must always fit into the author's point of view. Narrow though it may be. Its not even important anymore to know or even acknowledge what the other has said or posted or tweeted or whatever. Responses are rarely towards the end goal of the original communicator. Its a window to present ourselves using the opportunity as a pole vaulter does. To vault across the topic without touching it.
Unlike what we know as useful, to read, listen, understand and then respond, people seem to be firing on all cylinders in the race to populate the space with whats important to them, often presented as whats important or should be important to the world. No longer to examine, understand and fit fragments of realities together. No longer to constructively discuss or debate. No longer to rearrange how we think and act with the welcome influence of how others think about the very same thing.
The pendulum has swung and stuck. Personal realities are frozen in a frenetically speeding time of a metamorphic world !! A hardwired circuit to a hair trigger relationship detonator.
Little wonder why relationships have become more competitive than collaborative. More sharply focussed on self than dispersed to include others. More Me than We.
So where does that leave friendships, family, team work, communities and organisations ?
You tell me.


I'll Call You Back


I'll Call You Back

by Dexter Valles
You must already be on a rapid thought train, no sooner did you read this title !
Ive used it often enough, but also paused to ask when it would be ok to do so.
I have I must admit, on the rare occasion forgotten to do so.

I wonder what your experiences are with this ? You and others who have said this to you.

Did you call back or get called back quickly enough ? Was it genuine ? Did you feel brushed off ? Was it a power play ? What could you have responded in the surprise of that moment; rather than "Uh Okay" ?
I have had this used to me right at the start and also down the middle of a call. Funnily enough some callers have said this no sooner than they called me !
A variety of experiences accompany this response. More often than not, I've not been called back, leaving me to wonder if I should have spent the time waiting for that call back. Not only that, but some folks have not called back for days thereafter. Maybe it would have been better to say "I've got to go now. Cant say when I can call back. Do excuse me"

Or just ask "When would it be okay to call you back ?" Or "How else can we connect later?" Or anything that could urge you to resume that relationship moment.
Yes, these and other such, are relationship moments. Which invisibly define the relationship.
Because how you come around to "calling back"  or not calling back, lets others know something about you, which helps them decide their time with you. In small invisible unconscious steps.
So when you next say "I'll call you back" what are you really saying ? And if its being said to you....what can you ask to know where you stand ?
I'll call you back. If you know what I mean.


Friday, November 15, 2013

Engage ASPIRE for SUCCESS - Conversations on the Stairway of Excellence



 










Engage ASPIRE for SUCCESS 

Conversations on the Stairway of Excellence


We at Valmar International have a VISION of contributing significantly to Human Resource Development and influence people to continuously A-S-P-I-R-E for Success by adopting these tenets of life.
Accountability for Results       
strength & Stability of Values
passion & Purpose in Performance
integrity of Intent
reliability in Relationships
excellence as a Way of Life



Engaging ASPIRE Conversations

Valmar International has a VISION of contributing significantly to Human Resource Development and influence people to continuously A-S-P-I-R-E for Success.
 
More and more people are beginning to realize that all is not well with the way in which we relate to each other.  They are experiencing difficulties in their family relationships, in their closest friendships, and with their wider circle of acquaintances, both in their private and working lives.
 
What prevents us adopting these tenets of life and putting this knowledge into practice?
 
Accountability for Results 


Accountability is answer-ability, blameworthiness, liability, and the expectation of account-giving. Within an organization, the principles and practices of ethical accountability aim to improve both the internal standard of individual and group conduct as well as external factors, such as sustainable economic and ecologic strategies.

Accountability is honestly.   It is one of those factors that one would expect to be a necessary part of an organization not only because it is expected but because it is a necessary evil.  It has become a new fact of life and affects an organization like no other factor. 
 
To start the ASPIRE conversation, we would like to engage you in the following questions, and we would really value your views:

Ø  to have your views on what you think is Accountability and how important it is in today’s work life;
Ø  how do you / your organisation advocate Accountability;
Ø  are there any measures to manage Accountability;
Ø  what needs to be done to demonstrate Accountability;
Ø  what competences do you look for in people that would add up to Accountability.

“The battle cry for any business is performance, productivity and accountability.”

strength & Stability of Values
Values have been a central concept in the social sciences since their inception.  Values have played an important role not only in sociology, but in psychology, anthropology, and related disciplines as well. Values are used to characterize societies and individuals, to trace change over time, and to explain the motivational bases of attitudes and behavior.
The Nature of Values
When we think of our values we think of what is important to us in life. Each of us holds numerous values (e.g., achievement, security, benevolence) with varying degrees of importance. A particular value may be very important to one person but unimportant to another. What distinguishes one value from another is the type of goal or motivation that the value expresses.
Strength is the ability to withstand stresses and pressures on an everyday basis and especially at crucial moments in life. When it comes to choosing a partner, making ethical choices, taking a stand for what one believes in, standing up for someone, deciding to make uncomfortable but necessary decisions, strength and stability have never been more important. 
Stability is what one experiences when practicing our strengths regularly and continuously. It is an outcome that reassures oneself and others and provides for long term plans, decisions and relationships.
We would like to engage you in the following questions, and we would really value your views:
Ø   on What Values do you consider important in today’s Work Life & the need for Strength and Stability of these Values 
Ø  how do you / your organization provide a framework to stimulate Strength and Stability of your Organisation's Values
Ø  what competences do you look for in people that would help you assess or make apparent, their ability to demonstrate  Strength and Stability of Values.

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.”


Passion & Purpose in Performance
Passion is the energy that comes from bringing more of YOU into what you do.

















Simply put, it's being who you are and doing what comes naturally. When what you do is in alignment with who you are, you get energy from doing it. It's like water flowing along its natural riverbed. It actually gains energy from the path it's taking . Compare that to what most people experience in their work, which is more like trying to force it up and over a mountain !

One simple approach that is at the heart of living your passion is to go beyond what you love and ask why you love it. Do some reverse engineering to identify the underlying characteristics that tend to be in place when you're on fire.

In a sense, purpose goes beyond physical and emotional needs. When we look at purpose, we don't look at it so much as a need but as a higher extension of our reason for being. When we look at purpose, we look at it as something more elevated than the basic physical needs for which we may set goals we want to achieve.

Purpose is freeing, needs are restricting. Your purpose will be found within your passion. Talent may play a role but people can always build up any skill requirement. Without passion, talent can be ineffective.

Performance is simply the production of valid results.

We would like to engage you with the following questions, and we would really value your views on the following :
·        How do you describe Passion & Purpose in Performance
·        How possible is it in today’s high stress and demanding work life;
·        How do you / your organization create a sense of passion and purpose in your teams?
·        What difference does this make to the business deliverables and results?

 “The loyal relationships will be earned through the passionate commitment of enthusiastic and energetic teams.”


integrity of Intent
 
Integrity is to act according to what is right and wrong.

The single most important quality you can ever develop that will enhance every part of your life, is the value of integrity. Integrity is the core quality of a successful and happy life. Having integrity means being totally honest and truthful in every part of your life. By making the commitment to become a totally honest person, you will be doing more to ensure your success and happiness in life than anything else you can ever do.

Integrity is a value, like persistence, courage, and intelligence. It is your choice of values and resolution to live by those values that form your character and personality. And it is integrity that enhances all your other values. The quality of person you are is determined by how well you live up to the values that are most important to you. Integrity is the quality that locks in your values and causes you to live consistent with them.

Integrity is the foundation of character. A person who has integrity also has an unblemished character in every area of his or her life. One of the most important activities you can engage in, is developing your character. And one of the best ways to develop your character is by consistently doing the same things that a thoroughly honest person would do in every area of his or her life.

To be totally honest with others, you first have to be totally honest with yourself. You have to be true to yourself. You have to be true to the very best that is in you. Only a person who is consistently living a life with the highest values and virtues is a person truly living a life of integrity. If you are always honest and true to yourself you cannot be false to anyone else.

The mark of people who have high integrity is, they always do the highest quality of work in everything they do. They are the people who are always totally honest with themselves in everything they do, and strive to excellent work on every occasion. People with high integrity realize that everything they do is a statement about who they are as a person.

Your integrity is manifested in your willingness to adhere to the values that are most important to you. It’s easy to make promises but often very hard to keep them. But every time you keep a promise that you’ve made, it is an act of integrity, which in turn strengthens your character. As you act with integrity in everything you do, you will find that every part of your life will improve. You will begin to attract the best people and situations into your life. You will become an outstanding person as well as a success in everything you do.

We would like to engage you in the following questions, and we would really value your views:

Ø  Is Integrity really a central focus of most people’s work ethic ?
Ø  How do you / your organization promote or measure Integrity ?
Ø  What values do you feel need to be associated with Integrity to make it work especially under difficult circumstances ?

Integrity is what we say, what we do, and what we say we do.

reliability in Relationships

 
The Five Floors of Relationships
An extract from the acclaimed book
“It’s Not Just Who You Know” by Tommy Spaulding

Tommy Spaulding is President, Spaulding Leadership Institute
Website : www.tommyspaulding.com 

I know thousands of people, and many of them wield tremendous influence. If life and business were all about “who you know”, then I’d be set. But none of those relationships took an extraordinary value unless I approached them with the idea that they mattered for something above and beyond the transaction. I didn’t set out to make the bartender a lifelong friend, for instance, and that type of friendship never materialized. But I also didn’t settle for what I call a First Floor relationship.

I think of relationships in terms of a five-floor building. The deeper and more meaningful a relationship, the higher the floor it resides on. My closest, deepest relationships are Fifth Floor, or Penthouse, relationships.

Let me be clear – relationships seldom fit neatly into a box (or a building). They’re far too dynamic. Some overlap on different floors, and others seem to move up and down floors like an elevator. But the FIVE FLOOR plan helps give me a reference point and allows me to think about the boundaries that define my relationships, so that I can continually work to make them stronger and more rewarding. I try to develop strong relationships at every level. And because my relationships with others matter so much to me, and because I come to them intending to help others, many of these relationships develop into something more meaningful than anything I had imagined.

Most relationships start on the FIRST FLOOR. We meet and we greet. We exchange business cards. It typically involves a transactional exchange.  We need something specific from the other person – an airline ticket, or lunch, or help with a question. After we get what we want, we move on. We engage in dozens of First Floor relationships each day – with clients, colleagues, the postal clerk, the receptionist at the dentist’s office, the waitress at the restaurant, the flight attendant on the airplane.

This is where most relationships start. But all too often we allow our relationships to stay there.

The next level of relationships – SECOND FLOOR relationships – is where we begin sharing more information. But it’s very basic information, the type we dispense out of social obligation or because it’s a job requirement, not because we’re offering some insight into who we are.

At work, “positional authority” often guides these kinds of relationships. We interact because the other person’s position, or our position, requires it. But Second Floor relationships also result from casual friendships with people whom we know to degree, but not particularly well. Perhaps you catch a foot-ball game together for a holiday gathering. These are people with whom we hold polite conversations, but the level of intimacy seldom moves beyond NSW – news, sports, and weather. They never talk about the things in life that challenge or really define them. And as a result, they never rise about the Second Floor.


In THIRD FLOOR relationships, people develop an emotional comfort level that goes beyond facts and information. Instead of resting on NSW conversations, we begin sharing opinions and feelings. It’s not uncommon to feel safe enough to exchange competing viewpoints, and just on trivial matters. In business, positional authority remains the primary guiding force in Third Floor relationships. Our position at work requires us to say what we think, rather than just present data, because our opinions can help shape decisions. The higher we move up the organizational chart, the more our opinions and concerns about issues matter.

In Third Floor relationships, we learn about the lives of our co-workers, vendors, clients, and other professional associates, and we begin to understand something about who they are as people, even if we don’t necessarily agree with all of their opinions. And we’re sharing personal information about ourselves our ideas and feelings.

But it’s also in Third Floor relationships that we discover what I call a “wall a conflict.” Relationships often stall here because the inevitable conflict acts as a locked door to the staircase leading up. But it also resents opportunities to foster the type of interactions that can lead to much deeper relationships.

Genuine relationships aren’t based on your position or on a hierarchy. Darlyne Bailey, in The Leader of the Future 2 (Jossey – Bass, 2006), defines characteristic of genuine, authentic leadership: “Positions of power are just that – positions. True leaders know that who they are is much more than what they do.”

In a FOURTH FLOOR relationship, the relationship takes on deeper, more significant meaning. We share common interests, goals, beliefs, and causes. We’ve also learned to work through conflicts, and we’re responding in ways that show that we value the relationship for its own sake.

The increased trust and respect we share in such relationships also leads to greater vulnerability and openness. We might confide that our marriage is failing, or discuss private, sensitive details about our finances with such a friend, both in an effort to share our dreams and fear, as well as to ask for their advice and support.

We still may not share all of our flaws and insecurities with Fourth friends, and they don’t yet share all of theirs with us. But we don’t judge each other the way we did in the early stages of the relationship.

FIFTH FLOOR relationships – the Penthouse of relationships –vulnerability, authenticity, trust, and loyalty are off the charts. They are relationships based on a shared empathy – an intuitive understanding of each other’s needs, even those that aren't necessarily expressed. We literally “feel” another person’s state of mind. It’s a relationship based more on giving than on getting. But that kind of giving gives us more that we could possibly imaging.

In Fifth Floor relationships, we become confidants, advisers, and partners in helping the other person achieve their greatest potential.

Yes, Fifth Floor relationships are uncommon, if for no other reason that the amount of time and energy required to develop and maintain such relationships. But our tendency is to put unnecessary limits on our Fifth Floor relationships. We may think we only have room for two or three such relationships, when in fact we can easily embrace a dozen or more. Or we think only certain types of people can relate to use on a Fifth Floor level. We think we can’t have a Penthouse relationship with, say, a homeless man we met at a soup kitchen, or with our spouse’s ex-spouse. But that’s simply not true. There is no limit to our ability to reach out to others.


 Before we can get to the Penthouse, we first have to learn how to get off the First Floor.

All relationships require hard work, patience, understanding, and, yes, tactics and strategies designed to make them blossom. But don’t confuse that with manipulation. We can have tactics and strategies for building relationships, just as we have tactics and strategies for marketing, selling, advertising, production, distribution, and customer service.

The key to creating a rich network of relationships, however, is understanding this deep and basic truth: motives matter.  By building meaningful relationships, without sacrificing our integrity or treating other people as a means to an end, I’m convinced we not only can achieve our goals but move beyond them, personally and professionally. Here are the nine key traits that I’ve found help us to achieve real relationships:

Authenticity                             confidentiality                          generosity
Humility                                   vulnerability                             humor
Empathy                                  curiosity                                   gratitude

These traits relate more to “who you are” then to “what you do.” They are deeply personal. That’s because who you are is far more important in building relationships than what you do. The things we “do” in reaching out to others typically flow out of our inner character. Our actions reflect our character. All relationships fall somewhere within the five-floor structure. The goal is to develop the ability to build relationships at all five levels. That means developing the traits that define “who we are,” as well as identifying and practicing the actions we need to take.

We would like to engage you in the following questions, and we would really value your views:
Ø   How much do you feel business success is based on systems & processes or relationships inside and outside the organization?
Ø   How do you / your organization encourage relationship management especially in difficult times where results seem to be all that matters?
Ø   How do performance appraisals really need to measure or factor in the quality of the relationships the employee is building?




excellence as a Way of Life


THIRTY Ways to live a life of excellence:

1.     Discover your purpose. – Our physical life started when we were born.  Our real life starts when we discover our purpose.  What is your purpose?  What is your mission statement for your life? 

2.     Follow your passion. – To do what you love is truly the only way to live.  Don’t just pursue as a hobby; turn it into your career. 

3.     Set your goals. – If you can have whatever you want, what would you like?  What are your biggest goals and dreams?  Set them. 

4.     Create a life handbook. – A life handbook is a concept where you have a book to write your life purpose, goals, dreams, plans, values, mottos, and other things that are important to you as you pursue your best life. 

5.     Have the right mindset. – The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts.  If you think life sucks, life will indeed suck.  On the other hand, if you are set to live your best life, the paths will open up in front of you.  No one can stop you if you have the right mindset.

6.     Create your bucket list. – A bucket list is a list of things to do before you die.  All of us are going to die one day.  What are all the things you want to do/see/say/experience before you die?  It can be seeing the world, living your dreams, going skydiving, falling in love, among countless others. 

7.     Get mentors. – You have dreams and big visions, and there are people who have likely been there and done that.  Get them to mentor you.  It’ll definitely cut down the learning curve and ease your journey.  With a mentor, you can unlock your potential and achieve so much more.

8.     Stop worrying so much. – The majority of our fears exist only in our head.  Get rid of them and spend the energy on something productive.

9.     Get closer with your parents. – Many of us only have functional relationships with our family.  Some of us might even have estranged family relationships. 

10.  Let go of negative friendships. – If you have friends who discourage you and pull you down, it’s time to get rid of them.  Getting rid might be too harsh for some, so distancing is a good alternative.  Instead of wasting time and energy resisting them, focus your energy on people and things that make you happy.

11.  Surround yourself with positive people. – Do you know you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with?  Your attitudes, beliefs, accomplishments and success are a function of the people you spend time around.  Think about the people who inspire you and spend more time with them.  You’ll be amazed at the effects they’ll have on you.
12.  Release your limits. – They say the sky is the limit.  Disagree.  We are our own limits. It’s then about releasing our limits so we can live our best lives.  What are you limiting yourself from doing?  Stop holding yourself back.  Go out and get what you want.

13.  Believe in yourself. – The majority of the times we have been able to achieve something is because we started out believing we could do it, rather than acquiring that belief after we achieved it. 

14.  Wake up early. – Switching to waking early at days is incredible.  You feel more productive, get more done and more eager to work to keep the momentum going.  It’s something you have to try yourself to know the difference.

15.  Eat a healthy diet. – A healthy diet just - starts a life of excellence.  What’s in your daily diet?  Junk?  Fast food?  Fried food?  Or healthy, nutritious food?  Fruits?  Vegetables?

16.  Exercise regularly. – Aside from a regular gym routine, try other sports to spice it up your workouts.  Frisbee, badminton and swimming are some of my favorite sports.  These make exercising a lot more fun.

17.  Plan your days. – Do you plan your days?  Did you wake up today knowing what you are supposed to do today?  If not, maybe it’s time you do.  Planning doesn’t have to be long and tedious; it can just be a 30 second process.  Every night, think about a few small things that you want to accomplish tomorrow and write them down.  When you wake up the next morning, review this list before you do anything else.

18.  Nurture those whom you love. – The magical feeling of love.  The fluttering of your heart.  The internal smile you get when you think of those who you care for most.  It’s impossible to live a life of excellence without sharing quality time with those whom you love.

19.  Try something new. – Routines stagnate us.  New experiences help us grow and they make life interesting.  Make an effort to try something new every week.  It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger.

20.  Stop watching TV. – Why stop watching TV?  The bulk of content on TV is consciousness lowering.  TV has been proven by research to be linked with lower life satisfaction.  TV ads motivate you spend more money frivolously.  TV wastes lots and lots of time.  Try it out for 21-days and see how you feel.  Be sure to read: 

21.  Stop obsessing over the news. – A lot of news today resonates with fear, guilt, shame and hate.  Depending on your news source, many are largely sensationalized and biased as well.  You don’t need to watch the news every day for an hour to know that there are car accidents, murders and wars out there.  Focus your energy on how you can address those problems instead.

22.  Don’t be trapped by dogma. – Don’t feel compelled to follow others all the time.  Pave your own path.  Follow your heart.  Don’t fall into the trap of operating on everyone’s whim.  Listening is okay, but doing what everyone wants is simply unhealthy.  Execute the good feedback and follow your vision.

23.  Be compassionate. – Show love and kindness to all the people around you.  Respect everyone.  They may not react in a kind way immediately, but they will notice and appreciate your kindness. To love is to be human.

24.  Smile more. – It takes more muscles to frown than to smile.  So let’s smile more often.  :)

25.  Criticize less, appreciate more. – Do you like overly critical people?  They are a dread to be around.  So let’s be less critical.  Don’t stare so hard at what’s missing.  Learn to see and appreciate what’s there instead.

26.  Keep a journal to self-reflect. –  By having a place to freely let out our thoughts and ponder over them, we get a lot more clarity about ourselves.  If you are not sure where to start with, try 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, 20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday.

27.  Forgive those who hurt you. – To forgive is to let go of a prisoner and to realize that the prisoner all along was you.  Don’t hold on to past hatred.  Let it go.  You’ll find new, wonderful things entering your life once you do.

28.  Enrich your mind reading great books. – Books contain concentrated volumes of wisdom.  It’s not surprising then that most knowledgeable people are also very well-read. 

29.  Coach someone. – There’s no better way to learn than to teach others.  Is there someone who can benefit from your help?  Offer to coach them for free.  It’ll be an enlightening experience for both of you.

30.  Meet new people. – Most humans have a habit of stagnating in a small circle of friends.  But it doesn’t help us grow.  Get out there and meet new people.  You’ll be surprised at the lessons they will teach you and the new opportunities they will inject into your life.


Act now.  We only live once.  Let’s live our lives in excellence.


 “Excellence is the Result of Caring more than others think is Wise, Risking more than others think is Safe, Dreaming more than others think is Practical, and Expecting more than others think is Possible.” 




www.valmarinternational.com
hrdsolutions@valmarinternational.com